i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize