Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
