Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
