he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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