And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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