I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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