it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
