Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
