One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need to align my fucking chakras
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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