don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
