my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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