Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
