i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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