it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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