We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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