he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
