I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am one with the molecules
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
