i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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