12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
