I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
