my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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