dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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