did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
