last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
