just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
