You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
