I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
