I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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