her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
