went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
