He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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