what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
