We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
