He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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