omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
