his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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