A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize