Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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