the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
