Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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