you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
