He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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