i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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