My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
