Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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