my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
