she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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