What did we do last night that was yellow?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize