I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your penis caused this!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
