lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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