this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
