Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
