I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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