buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
