I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
