She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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